GOD'S LOVE AND MERCY
My first contact with Mormon missionaries
was in February 1971. I was born in Buffalo, N.Y. 1930, but grew
up in Germany: 1933 - 1947. Baptized and confirmed at fourteen
in the only church in town which was a Lutheran church of the
real Martin Luther. At sixteen, I returned to the U.S. without
my family. Seven years later they all came back to America and
rebuilt their lives.
When I met the Mormons all I knew about
Mormonism was an article I had read about their puritan lifestyles.
I was looking for a church which was practicing Christianity
in their lives not only going through the motions.
After a third attempt by the same young
men, impressed with their diligence, I let them in. I was forty
at the time at the lowest point of my life. I had recommitted
my life to Christ Jesus five months prior to this particular
day and was virtually waiting to join a church. I felt safe and
trusted in God that he would lead me to the right church. That
is apparently not what happens in real life.
As a family, we were impressed with their
presentation, especially "Family Home Evening", their
willingness to accept sinners and promises that we could achieve
a hundred percent worthiness. The missionaries emphasized
the name of the church, that they were the only church worthy
of the name of Jesus Christ.
I felt like I had finally come home, it
felt so right after baptism. They said that we were as pure as
angels after that. The church always needing hands, I found
myself with four different jobs right away. I became part of
church life quickly and loved being so accepted. That was something
I had never experienced before.
Soon my selfesteem was restored.
Our life started working. My husband and I found the kind of
jobs we had long hoped for not through the church. We
were reaping fruit of our own labor. Going through college for
many years, I landed a job in state government. This good fortune
coincided with participation in the Mormon church and I tied
all this new found success to the church.
Why was I led into Mormonism? There were
several factors responsible for this. I found out over twenty
years later that my husband's mother had a desire for her son
to become a member of the Mormon church. The family were supposedly
Baptist. In fact we were married in their Baptist church. She
had died long before we joined.
Another reason was the fact that my ancestary
in Europe were in politics for hundreds of years and many belonged
to Masonic Lodges which had an effect on my life. My husband's
parents were also involved in Masonic organizations such as Eastern
Star and the Elks Lodge.
In addition to that, long before entering
the LDS church, I had studied every imaginable movement ending
in the New Age movement. Touching base with occuItism, I had
realized the dangers of those teachings and had abandoned them
for the Gospel. The problem was, I had not studied the WORD OF
GOD to wash me of these satanic beliefs and these occult (secret)
teachings lined up with Mormonism and therefore reaffirmed the
Mormons teach that their beliefs are the
only truth and they had me convinced that they had additional
revelation which turned out to be simply occultism - gnosticism
- ancient philosophy developed by ancient Masons, Knights, the
Enlightened Ones who believe in Isis, Osiris and Horus.
Through people's suggestions, I was tossed
here and there. In my journey through the various beliefs all
seemed to have selfish ends and I could not make them coincide
with my own Christian foundation which was supposed to be founded
in selfless service until Mormonism.
Mormonism seemed to answer my demand for
perfectionism. By then from reading through all the different
religions, I had developed a different god. I had a problem with
hell. I couldn't accept a God who wanted to put people into a
burning fire. I believed people were all basically good which
is what New Age teaches. Evolution had crept in which wasn't
taught in Germany at all. Mormonism seemed to cover all the problem
areas I had developed and matched the "New Age" ideas
that had crept into my fundamental Christianity.
The Church of Latter-day Saints of Jesus
Christ was a universe in itself segregated from the rest of the
world. They were self contained. People were doing business with
each other rather than going to regular outlets. They helped
each other in time of need by taking over where a person had
problems until they were resolved. They had their own employment
counselor. It seemed like they thought of everything. They had
wonderful programs for kids, teens, men and women. I got involved
in genealogy which opened new exciting doors and there seemed
to be no end to new opportunities for new adventures. Everything
seemed absolutely wholesome.
Evil in my mind was supposed to be bloody,
oppressive and gory. I was looking for that not realizing that
Lucifer is an "angel of his own light". The
membership was sophisticated. Lawyers, doctors, policemen, accountants,
realtors, insurance agents, etc. were educated and intelligent.
Men were extremely conservative and I appreciated men not making
passes at me.
I was impressed and proud to be a member.
What better way to become part of America than to join a strong
church. Many foreigners gravitate to Mormonism because it becomes
a substitute family for them.
Eternal marriage in the temple becomes
the goal of most Mormons and to do it does seem to deepen the
relationship between a husband and wife. The thought of being
together for eternity has an effect on today. The requirements
one must meet to be endowed at the temple became an immediate
My husband had been raised
in poverty and for him to give up ten percent of his gross
income seemed impossible. It wasn't a problem for me. I wanted
to please my Lord in any way I could and this seemed to be an
With all the activities I had no time to
study Mormonism. What I learned was what I picked up out of conversations
among members. I was teaching the Junior Sunday School classes
and coordinator over the whole Sunday School and one day, after
years of teaching, I took it upon myself to teach the Lord's
Prayer, which was not part of the lesson material from Salt Lake
City. That was a "no, no". The kids must have told
their parents because I was released from teaching without explanation
never to be recalled as a teacher again.
I was given the secretary job in Sunday
School which meant I could participate in the adult Sunday
school classes. As I listened and participated in the
lessons I realized that my beliefs did not agree with theirs.
Not really having much understanding of Mormonism I had a vague
feeling of uneasiness and found myself sorting what I heard and
rationalizing that they were going to get the truth one of these
The Scripture they pulled from the Bible
was meticulously geared to coincide with Mormonism mostly from
the Old Testament, so one got the impression, that their teachings
were biblical. It was always out of context. I noticed other
converts having the same problems, they would stop coming to
the doctrine class after being demoralized when asking questions.
This was the practice to make the convert stop the questions.
Approximately 70% of Mormons don't attend Sunday School classes.
One day a bishop suggested
I get a divorce because we had not progressed to
the temple. I was quite surprised that a bishop
would suggest such a thing.
My children informed me that they
were not going to prepare for missions. I agreed that their
decision would be alright since God believes in choice. I could
not participate in forcing issues. It did not seem Christian
When three year old children came to the
podium to give their testimonies, that they believed the church
is the only true church, something inside me always stirred,
how would they know at that age? I also noticed a grieving in
my heart every Sunday during the Sacrament (Holy Communion).
They had sacrament of bread and water during which a prayer was
given in the name of Jesus Christ every Sunday. I thought maybe
I was identifying with Christ, but found after I left Mormonism,
the grieving totally disappeared.
In 1980 I met a former Mormon. After sharing
my misgivings and the lack of real teaching in the church with
her, she simply suggested listening to a TV minister who happens
to be one of the most potent television evangelist today and
I found out long after Mormonism that his doctrine coincides
with Mormonism. Strangely enough I began getting some gospel
concepts in spite of it.
But the fog remained. In spite of this
new influence on Sundays, I was endowed in Salt Lake City at
the temple in 1983 and married my husband for time and eternity.
The Temple experience was a
major turning point. Members are under oath not to
share information about the temple. One has no idea what
to expect. I had misgivings because of the secrecy, it
is not Christ like. It was impossible to get any information
about the temple ahead of time. They did give a preparation class
to tell us what to buy since we would be wearing new garments
permanently and how to care for them. Everything seemed very
When the doors closed behind us and the
ceremony began in the temple in Salt Lake City, I knew something
had gone wrong. I wanted to scream out loud, it was so hideous.
Because of my previous involvement with New Age, I knew I was
suddenly in the middle of Freemasonry. I was familiar with Ancient
Masonry. I had rejected all that before. I felt totally betrayed.
My husband and I also found ourselves
committed lock, stock and barrel (our home, our savings, our
talents and our eternal future) to the Mormon
church without being asked ahead of time. They called it the
law of consecration. I was furious. I should have left but in
the presence of people whom I had loved and respected for twelve
years, I could not refuse to participate.
I had relied on other people's testimonies.
We as members were highly educated and people of integrity. How
could I admit to myself anything different. I reasoned it has
to be alright if they believed it. There was nothing evil being
said or done, although I could not understand some of
the words, symbolism and rituals. But deep down in my heart I
knew I was still stuck in Satan's teachings.
A couple of years later an inactive member
gave me a revealing book: "Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith",
by Linda King Newell and Valeen Tippets Avery, which was my first
encounter with Joseph Smith and who he really was. Joseph was
not a Christian but a practicing witch. The story was about his
wife Emma who had eleven children by him and what she went through
with all his adulterous relationships while married and her lack
of basic necessities because of his philandering.
He was arrested several times, once for
treason and was ambushed and killed in jail finally by a lynch
mob. Some think it was about all the women he was stealing from
husbands and other men and some think it was because he was adopting
Masonic rituals into his church. Nobody knows for sure. He was
not martyred for his Christianity which Mormons teach.
The next discovery was on a
visit when I tried to witness to someone. I found
that I could not go to Scripture to back up what I was trying
to teach to someone. I realized after eighteen years of going
steady with the LDS church I had not learned anything.
I began studying the Bible on my own. In fact I brought it to
church on Sunday. Instead of listening to their family presentations,
I studied in the pew. I wondered why they were looking daggers
This action which was not condoned unbeknownst
to me began a series of harassments. They began to demoralize
me in front of the members in class by telling me that I wasn't
spelling correctly and not doing my voluntary job right. Nobody
but the top layer gets paid for their services and only approximately
25% of the church members do voluntary service. It wasn't that
they were swamped with people to do the work. I worked in the
Genealogical Library for ten years once a week where the same
action was going on.
Then one day my life took a new direction.
One of my sons came too close to Scientology, I asked God to
allow me to do a ministry which addressed Scientology and exposed
it. No one seemed to talk about the dangers of it.
Through my job I had encountered a bout
with "est" Training which is an offspring of Scientology
and luckily escaped the "whole" treatment. I recognized
what they were trying to do as soon as the doors locked behind
me. I came close to committing suicide, I was so frightened after
half the session was over. They warned me if I left halfway through,
it could be devastating for me. I trusted God and got in my car
and left town to get away from them. The people in charge of
the training tried to track me down but unsuccessfully.
They were right, I came close to loosing
it, in hysterics all by myself in the car driving as fast as
I could to get away. When I returned to my job, people who had
talked me into going to the "est" Training, harassed
me into coming back into it. I reported this problem to my boss.
He fired the ladies. There were others who kept it up but there
was no way they could influence me again. I transferred to another
job away from the area.
Werner Erhard had participated in Scientology
and learned how to process people into selling these weekend
retreats to others for $300- $600 per person and very convincingly
through peer pressure on the job. Scientology treats one person
at a time while Werner Erhard applied the process to 300 people
in one room over two weekends in conference rooms in places like
the Ramada Inn. Werner got rich very quickly. At $75,000,000
he was wanted for income tax evasion and left the country.
The process was done by locking the doors
with guards, humiliating people in front of everyone around them,
depriving them of necessities like going to the bathroom and
taking a drink, making them sit in their chair for hours without
food and then parading them in front a group of people who had
been robbed of their personalities and stared people down. People
were screaming in sheer terror all over the room.
Then they told everyone to lay down on
the floor and started ocean waves with information that was not
recognizable. I stopped up my ears with my fingers and prayed.
I felt like I had landed in a demon haven in hell. They let us
go about 4 AM and told us to come back next weekend to finish
up. By then I was hysterical. It was poring rain outside. I got
into the car and headed out of town. It took a few days to calm
Life resumed and I had a hard time understanding
why these sort of activities are allowed. Unsuspecting people
get caught up in these types of situations and nobody talks about
it. I had asked 8 people to talk about it and share what was
going on but nobody would tell me. The reason for that, they
didn't remember. At that time I wasn't burdened to go public
because I needed my job. I had a well paying government job.
From the gospel lessons in my private life a desire to get totally
involved in ministry emerged. I was close to retirement and somehow
I was developing a double life. I believed I could do both, Mormonism
and The Lord's ministry.
It never occurred to me to
leave the Mormon church. My problem was that I had not studied
Mormon doctrine in depth. I knew bits and pieces out of context
which lined up with the Old Testament, even polygamy. It was
not until 1991 and several more major revelations that
I finally could not deny the truth anymore.
The book "The Mormon Illusion",
by Floyd C. McElveen, a Baptist Evangelist, was sitting all by
itself in a Bible bookstore. I was purchasing a non Mormon Bible
for my dad and noticed the little book. Floyd put the facts to
me and confronted me with the truth about Mormonism and what
the Bible had to say next to it. It finally cut through to my
heart and the darkness of Mormonism lifted.
But it wasn't over yet. I had been studying
Scriptures for four years by reading it unto tapes and then playing
the tapes to myself in the car in my own words. I was an auditor
and traveled every day from business to business. Mormons study
the Bible in their classes by taking Scripture out of context,
one never gets an understanding of the truth. In fact a Christian
is slowly spiritually starved.
I was always listening to "Christian"
television evangelist along with Mormonism. They had the same
problem. They also preached out of context concentrating on areas
that would tickle people's ears "blessings of one kind or
another" and said little about the most important warning
in the Bible: wolves in sheep's clothing.
My problem wasn't only Mormonism, I had
read through just about every movement in the mainstream and
kept searching. I knew that I hadn't arrived at the truth and
kept moving on. Then in Mormonism I got caught up in their legalism
and mistook it for the real thing. I knew that Jesus had done
it all and when Mormons laid their legalism on me, I figured
they were behind in their Christianity and would get the point
at some point. I couldn't quite put my finger on the problem
because I didn't understand their teachings.
I had committed to Christ Jesus at fourteen
when I was confirmed in Germany. There was only one church in
town and it was Lutheran. I came to this country and there were
thousands of different denominations and many different Lutheran
denominations. The question was always which is the one for me?
Joseph geared into that by telling people that he had the same
experience at a very young age. When Joseph prayed to God, God
told him that it is none of the denominations, to start a new
one. That was the connecting point.
Being a rather timid soul, I couldn't get
the courage to go to a church door by myself. Mormons know that
one. They come and pick you up on Sunday and personally take
you across that threshold.
I am totally convinced from my own life
with the Holy Spirit in my heart, that the light is indestructible.
It kept burning right along and reminding me who I was and did
not allow anyone else to occupy. I'm also convinced from my own
life that one who has made a total commitment to God becomes
the object of Satan's contempt.
The Bible was always there but it was the
last thing that was opened over the years. God allows us to get
deeper and deeper into false doctrine because we are in rebellion
with the Bible if we ignore His Word which holds the truth. False
doctrines move into the vacum and place us into a delusion, a
life which is not based on reality. The biggest culprits are
the `Power of Positive Thinking', astrology, New Age and Mormonism.
They create an altered state of consciousness which is not based
With God anything is possible but it's
not a given. It is doing what He tells us to do. I was so hooked
on Mormonism that it felt like I was on a huge "safe"
ocean liner and I was asked to get into life boat in the middle
of the ocean in a storm when I realized that I had to cut the
strings to the church. No other ship in sight.
The final scene was about to occur when
my husband was demoralized by the bishop and decided to quit
the church. That was six month before I got the courage to get
into that little life boat. When I climbed into the life boat
in full knowledge of what I was doing, God became as real to
me as my hand. In my heart I knew He would see me through one
more storm and that I would be safe once and for all time at
last. Heart and mind are two different things. My mind was still
full of doubt.
Satan doesn't let go easy. I wasn't convinced
that I was making the right decision even though I had been confronted
and had been studying for several years. There was no one I could
go to with my problem. People were not too happy to have me in
their church being a former Mormon and my enemy began bringing
unsavory people into my life who were not truly committed to
the Gospel and had worse problems than I did.
Everything that came after seemed to break
away from under me as quickly as I had found it. The enemy keeps
us unsettled, upset to get us to come back. The Bishop and two
elders came to the house and told me to get a divorce once again,
that my husband was unrighteous in my own living room where he
lived every day. I told them to get out and never come back.
Another member friend stopped by a few
months later when the dust had settled and told me that he was
hoping I would die so I could go to their heaven, after I turned
down his job offer. I wanted to witness to him and tell him what
I knew about the real Jesus and he raised his arms and told me
he didn't want to hear it. The church was his only little piece
of happiness he had and I wasn't going to destroy that.
I searched for other former Mormons and
after six months found a small group. One of the men was giving
lessons on Mormonism, giving programs in churches and showing
videos. I was totally grossed out when I learned what Mormonism
was. And I got deeply involved in investigating everything I
could find on the history of the church to become totally convinced
forever that it is a false, demonic doctrine. Many people leave
and find themselves going back begging for forgiveness. That
wasn't going to happen to me. It didn't because I worked hard
to get it out of my system.
I went into major repentance bearing my
soul to God and people around me and also major self loathing
for being such a fool. My hard earned "self esteem"
was smashed into millions of pieces. It felt like a fast train
which had hit a wall head on at full speed ahead and I was sitting
in the middle of millions of pieces of myself and trying to figure
out what was salvageable. There was nothing to salvage but the
To keep me still dependent on others, Charismatic
preachers from Marilyn Hickey to Ken Copeland to Malcolm Smith
seemed to be balm on my wounds. Malcolm was teaching at the time
that God spades our garden every so often when there is no crop
and has to start over and replant. I was sixty two by now, start
over at that point? Yes, this battle was about eternal life not
I realized it was never too late to start
over. With a clean slate it was easy to build pure Scripture
into my heart. I was buried in the Bible every day half a day
at least, with the Concordance and Lexicons and the whole Christ
Jesus arose. I was filled with joy unspeakable about my new future
with Him forever. How great Thou art. There was a song in my
heart every day to let me know I had my own safe place right
in my own heart.
Kenneth Copeland was in and out of my trash
can for several weeks. I had to let go of everything which became
clear as I studied. They were all getting rich off poor dumb
When one leaves one's church which had
been home for over twenty years, one not only looses many friends
but immediate family members who don't understand why the change
is necessary. The family members had unwittingly felt pride that
someone in the family was going to church and now this.
I also had to confess to my children that
I had brought them up in a demonic church. God was extremely
gracious to us by bringing us all out.
Many former Mormons have to leave their
families behind. But it did bring emotional rifts. It hurt our
position as parents. We couldn't be trusted anymore by anyone,
which was the most devastating realization. Satan had ripped
us off not only as wholesome spiritual parents, but also off
our Christian witness. That was what I had lived for.
My marriage was in immediate trouble because
we were putting blame on each other instead of ourselves. We
became overly zealous in finding fault in everything and everyone.
We stopped trusting each other and people around us. Every time
we went to church, we would pick up spirits and fight all the
way home and finally end up moving on. Being in group situations
became an impossibility.
Thank God my husband and I were both committed
to God and relied on Him to get us through the stormy sea. It
was difficult to comprehend and we had to truly believe that
we had been totally forgiven for all the wrong we had done for
most of our lives unwittingly. Our marriage was of long standing
and had weathered nothing but storms and it weathered this one.
After forty years of togetherness, we are
now retired working full time for the Lord sharing the Gospel
whenever we get the opportunity to make up for lost time. It
has been close to eight years and life feels wholesome again
this time with the Holy Spirit in full control. We moved away
from home to start the healing and it is working. We finally
have that peace that is beyond understanding. We study a few
chapters of Scripture every day and God promised the devil would
flee, and he did. He cannot stand a steady diet of the Gospel,
the only weapon against him.
My story is a testimony of God's unwillingness
to forsake us once we are in His hands. He did not give up on
us until He had us out of darkness fully into the light. Our
testimony of the Gospel is powerful and we are looking forward
to the wedding to Christ Jesus.
Jesus said "Beware of false prophets,
which come in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening
wolves.. and the rain descended, and the floods came, and the
winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not; for it
was founded upon a rock." (Matthew
7:15, 25) It is for real. Thanks and God
bless you for reading this witness. It is a life's work of a
couple of unknown Christian soldiers. Our names are unimportant.
The story is true.